I want to get more comfortable with the tension. With the lack of definition. With the fact that magic and fear can co-exist in my little 10-year-old world, and magic and monotony can co-exist in my bigger 30-something-year-old-world.
I began to feel the start of a bit of unraveling… I fought it as I was honestly so sick and tired of becoming unraveled about my infertility. She whispered, “He can tell that you are afraid to hope, Adge.”
In my mind, the story of my last two years (although profoundly precious) has been so deeply painful, that I thought if I completely let go, it would mean that part of my life would be null and void. Dead. Over.