turning the light on

palisade is waking up, which is my very favorite thing. the apricot buds are turning a light lipstick pink and the birds are flirting and chirping. the forsythia is blooming next door... one of those first signs of spring, along with those crocus and daffodil darlings.

a new hope is budding and my soul is thawing out.

this spring in particular has felt like someone is turning a light on somewhere deep down inside of me. a new hope is budding and my soul is thawing out. don't you feel like that's what our favorite things and our favorite people do for us? they say, ‘hey, it’s not as dark in here as you think.’ and then they flip a switch and we rub our bleary eyes and look around and realize it never was that dark. not really. that's what spring and my tent friends are doing for me.

 

i'm so endlessly grateful for the changing of seasons. my mom took my boys for the night so i have 24 delicious hours of quiet. i had coffee with a dear friend this morning and laughed over coffee and pastries until tears were in my eyes. it was kind of a rough winter emotionally. anxiety was higher than it’s been in 2 years and instead of shame, i'm right in line with morgan's mantra of living shamelessly and vulnerably.

 

 

OCD/anxiety along with being a 4 on the enneagram (have you taken it? it’s brilliant) and a highly sensitive person are a combination for a tiny bit of drama and irrationality at times around here. :) it seems these episodes come with any new and huge transition for us. so this time around, i tried to take the darkness by the horns and did a few things to be combative and proactive. anxiety is starting to be a familiar thing for me. not in a way that i am accepting of it but rather in a way that i can see the signs of it creeping in and saying, "oh, here you are again," and instead of cowering in fear, i am finding myself standing up bravely–using all the tools i've worked so hard to have.

 

those things mostly include calling on my allies. my safe people. i asked vulnerably (never easy) for people to fight for me in prayer and raise their swords in the spiritual realms. texts from those gals nearly daily was air to me. my dear friend dd sent me a light box. i am totally affected by the clouds and cold of winter and this light box has helped me in the mornings especially. i’m trying to be diligent about putting on the armor of God every day and using worship as my weapon. i've sat in the sunshine whenever possible to boost serotonin.

...you have more strength inside of you than you know. you have more fierceness and bravery than you ever thought.

maybe it’s spring in your heart. maybe, as i have been, you are coming out of a really long winter. maybe it’s your marriage, your kids, your mental health, your body image, your friendships. if it feels dark, dear sister........if it feels too dark to see, that you may never see the light in the same way you did before, please know that is not truth. please know that you have more strength inside of you than you know. you have more fierceness and bravery than you ever thought. find the people that won't judge you, will affirm who you TRULY are, and will turn the light on for you.

Palisade, CO

Rickelle takes joy in the simple things in life and can often be found pointing out things of beauty–both big and small. As a licensed Therapist, she enjoys helping others find truth and breakthrough. However, Rickelle's main loves are Jesus and her family. She and her husband, Caleb, have two adventuresome boys. Rickelle also delights in conversation and time spent over coffee with treasured friends.