I have always struggled with waiting…I want to be in the know and want to have clarity and certainty over most areas, if not all areas of my life. When those answers are not available, I become easily frustrated, not just at the circumstance, but I actually become frustrated with God. At my core, I believe that walking close to Him and responding to His call, produces a life of abundance, peace and joy. If I know all those things have been tested and proven true in my life, then why is it so hard for me to sit in the middle ground of waiting?
The simple answer is that I feel most secure when I am in control of my environment and prepared to navigate upcoming challenges with the knowledge of potential obstacles and foreseen outcomes. I know that I can handle most of anything that is thrown my way, I am resilient like that, but I feel that lately, God has been teaching me that this strength is also my greatest weakness. This need for creating my own sense of security is in direct contrast to God’s invitation to press into Him and trust that He has gone before me and is orchestrating the events of my life in a way that is beyond measure.
For the last ten years, I have walked through what feels like a long season of wandering in the desert. My husband has worked away out-of-town; spending weeks, if not months at a time away from our family and our home. I love his heart and desire to provide well for us, but the circumstances of this structure has created incredible burden over the years. There have been many years I was afraid that we were not going to make it because the strain of this situation was more than I could bare. Year after year, God would give me new hope along with renewed energy and intention for my marriage and family despite the impossible scenario. For ten years, I have prayed, "God change this situation, help bring us together, take this burden from me/us, it’s too much."
I would love to offer a feel good story from the other side of this experience, but the truth is I am still in it. I am still waiting. There is movement and promise of new, but for now, there is still great uncertainty and no clear path to experienced change for our family. What I have learned is that life is full of these seemingly dichotomous experiences. It is absolutely true that I am a deeply loved, chosen child of God and also prone to feelings of loneliness and rejection. It is true that my God advocates, protects, defends me and will allow me to sit with uncertainty. It is true that my God is deeply concerned with the details of my daily life, my family my future and allows me to walk through seasons of pain and difficulty.
Years of walking through the middle ground has taught me that God is always more concerned with cultivating the right heart posture than He is with my comfort in life’s circumstances. As I lean into hear His voice and truth spoken about my inheritance as a Beloved Daughter of the King, I am able to receive the fullness of His presence, promise and purpose, even as I walk in the desert land.
Even though I do not know the specific outcome for my family today, I know that God has heard me and is with me in the midst of the difficulty of waiting. I know that when I come to Him with the burden and lay it at His feet daily, I am free to become a vessel of His love to others in spite of my circumstances. I know that this life is difficult and God is good. I am coming to understand that the waiting periods of my life are designed as a divine invitation to get closer, see that He is good and to trust that He is faithful to do immeasurably more than I could ever hope or imagine…. And I say yes to all of that.
Nine Miles Falls, WA
Daisy is powerhouse of passion and wellspring of love. Married for 17 years, she and her husband, Bill, have 3 busy adolescent children, Riley (17), Logan (15), and Kailee (11). As a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a certified Professional Coach, her biggest desire is to see people living connected, fulfilled, and abundant lives. Daisy loves coffee, chocolate, and cozy socks and finds joy in immersing herself in the nature surrounding her home in the Northwest.